Recently, I found out that the person I had a pretty decent-sized crush on was seeing someone else. A massive blow to the self-esteem and my increasing hopes. But, I wasn’t devastated; in fact I was more upset that he dealt with this by not speaking to me for a fortnight and expressing his relief when I finally caved first and sent him a message.
This made me question why I wasn’t as upset as I was anticipating. That’s when I realised, my feelings had found another person to latch onto.
Suddenly I had a crush rebound.
Not as intimate or as much work as a relationship rebound, my crush rebound had simply allocated a new person for the feelings that had intensified over a good few months to be directed at, rather than force them to deal with the situation and disappear. My mind was far too stubborn to allow this much time and energy to simply go to waste. But I wasn’t seeing the same things I saw in my OG crush in my new one – different traits and attitudes were jumping forward and presenting themselves as attractive. So what’s a girl to do?
My go-to in most situations involving feelings beyond mutual friendship is to suppress them until it’s certain that they are reciprocated (which, going by my run-sheet of successful relationships, is never.) But do I let these feelings house themselves in my mind, driving me crazier and crazier, or do I attempt to kill them off and force myself to look at it as nothing more than a friendship? The second option seems the most sensible; there’s no way I can get hurt if I don’t have the feelings in the first place. But how does one simply stop harbouring these feelings for a person, even if that person is nothing more than a rebound crush???
As soon as I know the answer I’ll sell it to the world for millions, but until such time I’ll be over here dealing with my emotions through a haze of anxiety and over-thinking.