To Leave or Not to Leave

That is the question I constantly ask myself when I wake up to an 11pm text message asking me “scarn on?”

I decided to leave it because I saw it at 5am and figured that any reply received at that time would be far from welcomed. But the message bothered me lowkey all day, until I finished work at 4pm. I started typing away my message before I stopped, selected the essay-length apology I had been typing about why my reply was so late, and deleted it all. Finally some definitive action towards this shitty situation. Then the guilt tug-of-war kicked in.

What if he thinks I’m ignoring him on purpose? Well that’s what he gets for calling the shots on our “relationship” earlier. But we’re still friends, and I will see him again soon. Fuck I just made this awkward for both of us. Why is he asking what’s going on that late anyway? He’s seeing someone, shouldn’t he be checking what’s going on with her? What does “scarn on” at 11pm even mean??? I bet he was drunk, it has to be a drunk text. But why would he be drunk on a Tuesday night? Don’t question people’s drinking habits, he can drink when he wants. But why would he message me, he’s seeing someone.

Basically the trainwreck of my thought process following that message. Ultimately it circles back to two pressing issues: have I made it awkward for us now by ignoring it? Why did he message me that late in the first place; he is seeing someone. 

That is now my default thought whenever my emotions and feelings towards any interaction breach the platonic line of that dreaded friendzone. So now I need to figure out what “scarn on” means platonically, because that’s the only acceptable way for this message to be interpreted. So far I am failing to come up with anything. In the meantime I will be rehearsing the responses to why I never replied in a cool, throw-away manner.



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